Need Money, Please Help

Well, like all humans, we need money

and its bullshit if people say the differ

cuz if you dont have any, your still happy (bullshit)

only homeless people high on life can say this

i on the other hand

am thinking of having my mother help me of writing a grant

to some rich and famous person

be it an actress, actor, musician, whoever

and ask them for some help

it would sort of by like a sponsorship

pretty cool sponsorship too

this is what i would say

"yeah, i am sponsored by a pornstar"

i believe they are more vulnerable because of their past

i mean come on, who becomes a pornstar

yet in my sponsorship

i would have to promote them so that would be weird

let alone my climbing bag

-3 pairs of shoes

-advil

-2 chalk bags

-peanut butter

-sandpaper

-and a stack of various porn dvd's

maybe i could save room by putting them on a flash drive?

i guess it is like playing the lottery

you have to play it to win it

so i will have to start writing a masterpiece of a grant

to convince some lonely, poor porn soul

to give me their sex money

so i can take showers every 2 weeks and eat poorly

sounds like a happy homeless person to me

Mixture of a Concoction

Saturday morn
that was where i was not alive

there is an old shakespeare-ian quote
with a little 2011 mixture

"2 B C or not 2 B"

luck-a-ly
i have things like the university sauna
to suck all the sins out

ya ever sin
i will help you by showing you
for i sin bout everyday

somethin to ponder

What if you never saw your own reflection?

I will try for the next week to avoid mirrors,
glass,
and even mysterious hand-held mirrors that i appear to find
.
what would your life be if you didnt know what you looked like

your face that is

I DID IT

I did it!!!
I did it!!!

no no, not finally overcome puberty
no no, not finally find my peter

finally talk to that girl
wow
yeah, not my mother
that other sexy girl

and i sound like i am in the 4th grade

oooga gaaaga

here is something to think about

1-11-11
.
.
.
.
ahhhhhhhhhhhh

Wowies

I havent ran, run, runn-ed, or whatever that sport is called

forever

except my internal clock is all about getting me up at 6:00am

so this 6:00am, i got out of bed, brush my pearls,

and headed to the gym for my rest day

(rest days include, not climbing)

so everything else

could include biceps, but not today

weird squat things i do, but not today

back shit, but not today

running, never, but today i did

i swear it had been sometime

so i just looked back to 7th grade physical ed class

and when they test u on various strengths

or just to make the fat kids feel really fuckin bad

i think ran the ole mile in 6:11 or somewhere around that obscure number

but today, not running for ever

i made it in 6:32

heck yea

maybe i might train for like marathons and shit

ha, i thought bout smokin like 3 weeks ago

thinking about the past

yeah, we all do it
i was just thinkin bout the time i "locked myself in the shed"
(no peoples names or places were change)
(due to, 'why not, right?')

this ole tale ya say
well, when i was in 7th or 8th grade
i was a sneaky little feller that snuck out
to head to a particular girls house
Tristen her name was

oh Tristen, where ever you are today
knowing that ur from gillette, wyo
you probably still live there and have ten kids

anyways, she was a more developing 'girl' than most in 7th grade
more than plump than perky
if ya know what i mean

so i snuck out
and headed over the field, crossed the street
headed down Lakeview Dr.
hopped the fence of Paintbrush Elementary (kindergarden-2nd)
then made it to her some-what-tree-house
and did what 7th or 8th graders do
nono, not smoke dope
make-out and have wunderous ideas about different amazing thoughts
then
time rolls around, 5am or so
and have to head home where i sleep
so back over the fence
up Lakeview Dr.
and over the hill
but going over the hill
i see that my father is outside
ohhh shit
so i device a plan
right there and then

so i went back down the hill,
around the field
cut across the Giltner's backyard
and went through another field
then there i was
at the back fence of my house
shit shit
so i stripped down to my skimpies (undies)-(underwear)
and hid my clothes
and peeked over the fence
shit shit
all clear i thought
and hopped the fence
opened the shed and went inside
closed the door
oh, it was also cold-as-shit outside
sat there for a bit, while my skin got colder
and grabbed a potato sack
opened the shed
and went to the back door
and made myself think
u didnt sneak out, u didnt sneak out
knocked on it, and my father opened it
whose was pretty mad/sad/every shitty emotion when your kid is disappeared
(not the last time this would happen)
i told him
"i got locked in the shed"
"i was looking for a computer cord"
(our old computer cords and shit was in the shed)
he didnt believe me, or sort of didnt
we both went to the shed
after i put on some clothes
and he checked out how the hell i got "locked in the shed"
i think god was there for me that day
cuz if you slam the doors shut,
the hinge locks it by a swinging motion
but you can open it by just pulling one door
and pushing the other

so i got locked in a shed
and more better--> still havent talked about that incident to my folks since it happened
dear o dear me
maybe one day

so a lesson to anyone that wants a lesson
-No need to bring up the past-
-Just think about it-

wait what

Lottery

some good-lookin old couple just won 380 million dollars
shit yea
i need to start playin
or
try to get hit by lightning
or
got eatin by a shark
cuz
i think that is my chances
Powerball Baby
but
if i won
i was thinkin of what i would do
as do most of us if "it" would happen

-1 thing-
maybe go around and sue people
shit-yea
got nothing better to do with 380 Million
well that and buy a castle
but think about it

Does subway always give you a 12" sub?

this could be a very good argument
you may not be getting your moneys worth
bring in a ruler,
which they are usually a few centimeters bulgy on both sides

Sue the shit out of them.

or

Try to get a job at McDonalds
and then claim dis-ability
for me this would easy
cuz im a tard

and then sue them
for something

lets get sue-happy people come on

7-11

usually this is my birthday
but lately it has been school, and practice
7am to 11pm or sometimes 12am. or like 2am

and the liberry,
and a funny german professor that sometimes sounds like mrs. doubtfire
fuck
too busy,
and ready to explode with booze and all sorts of other things
that is cuz playin with the lil smokies at the top hat for first friday
come down and booze and other things with me

Finished 'Er Off

like when shes just a willin little pup
take 'er 'ome

well, 2011
my conspiracy year is here
(say slow) the year 2000 and 11

spend new years in blackfoot idaho
as i stepped into the gas station for a restroom break
i heard fireworks
"happy new year"
kyle looked like a dazed kitten on crack

drove from bishop ---> missoula

12:45pm pacific time ---> 5:30am mountain time

lonnnng drive
but as i got tired-er
i just put on phish, and rocked out
ya know braaa
totally tubular braaaa
nar nar nar

the roads fuckin blow from idaho border allll the way
to missoula

havent taken a shower since i left missoula
and got back this morn to find my shower had a nasty little puddle
fuck, a sink shower to wipe down my parts
but i still have a homeless persons looking hair

the last day in bishop, climbed pow pow
hiiiiiya, (karate chop)
and finally did the greasy, abused, and raped "the hulk"

wasnt there for kyles almost death on atari
guess he took the fall that everyone doesnt want to take
he seemed pretty bummed bout not sending but whatever
we were out of missoula
and now
i am back in missoula
yeppee yay
going to go take another sink shower
this time more washing
anyone wanna help?